never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
