and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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