I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
