I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I stole a fireplace last night.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Randomize