You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Randomize
