If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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