As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
