Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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