I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I just got carded by a ten year old.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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