I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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