I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
