Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
