Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
too bad you live with your parents still
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
