im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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