You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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