i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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