worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
