Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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