Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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