Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
