Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Randomize
