I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
