you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
