speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Randomize
