I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
