I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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