Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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