hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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