sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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