Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
