It was confusing and full of hummus
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
