yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
