I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
birth control should be required to get into college
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
