yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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