your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
i've created a new STD.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
