Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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