I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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