I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize