My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
