i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
