Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize