i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
i think my cat just said my name.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
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