Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
