dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
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