Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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