Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize