I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
