I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
