But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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