We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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