Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
