Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
