what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
