i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Panties = found
Randomize
