At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
