i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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