it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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