eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
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