First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Who died my cat blue again?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
