i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
