i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
