After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
