Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
