yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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