OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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