I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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