We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
