i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
