Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
