Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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