Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
