respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
