I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
