i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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