i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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