well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize