mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
