We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize