So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
