There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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