you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I need to calm my uterus...
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Randomize
