Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
There r osticjed everywhere
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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