afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
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