yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Randomize
