Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Shame is for Republicans.
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