its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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