I bet he comes in French.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
