You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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