It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
