Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
My room smells like vodka and shame
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
