I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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