Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
