Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Randomize
