Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
