Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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