Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
