Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
