i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
