that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
you had me at cake vodka
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
