a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
