Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
