if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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