dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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