It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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