Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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